🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone of your Daily, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|